To continue

We all deal with loss and gain in certain ways. I think we take for granted the people who can learn to balance their emotional response to help others who cannot. In my book, there is a lot of emotional strain involved, pushing people to limits that average folks may not experience. I TRY (within obvious points fail) to keep experiences into something I can relate to in my books so I may better write certain points.

A chapter I'm working on now involves a person who can balance loss and gain, a person who can stand as a rock when the winds and tides push against everyone. I wont reveal names, mostly in the hopes that if I get published I can look back here and given deeper analysis of certain characters. Its challenging because there are times that I don't balance things like loss and gain well. I can find my self overly emotional or bluntly not. It isn't that I don't have emotion or nothing but for these circumstances, it's that I'm human and feel more or less for certain things.

With this man, I also have to give other sides, people who are grieving and those who feel empty and indifferent. I find human nature to be tricky when giving a range of emotions because its plain to see that a play on words such as "human nature" is very deceiving. We treat nature as a constant from one thing to the next, when the only thing i can find within nature is that there are seldom constants.

Those are my thoughts for now.

Annnnnd....

Finally I have finished chapter 14. It wasnt some massive and explosive ending to my troubles, nothing like fireworks and mass chearing. No, there wasnt even a cliche "applaud" sign lighting up anywhere. Better than all of that, I was given a sort of peaceful fealing. Content that it isnt over but was made to bridge it self to the next chapter. I dont like saying a chapter or book has ended, I like saying its conclusion is some where within the part of its characters. With a little imagination there are few works of fiction that really do end. However this post is about to end with a point. Given a breath of pause and a word from a friend, sometimes things can be changed entirely! I will just call the friend C, he knows who he is, and his advice was one that i decided to take (albiet modified). Take it easy!

Chapter 14: why im now psychotic!

No, thats not the real name of the troublesome chapter ive been fixatfed on making perfect (even in an early first edit). But it would be accurate to the effects its having on me.

Unlike with previous posts, I have the mood, but in finding it completely threw the tone off. Its laid out cleaner than before, but that needs changing. I know, its a first edit, perfection is nothing more than asking for pages and hair to start falling out. To that I say this is one of the most important chapters, easily tied for most important. If the very flow is off in "just" the first edit, it tends to mess with me, and has been the cause 2 of my other projects to remain untouched for years.

In all, these 3 books im working on now belong a larger, world, and so much more. Ive worked on this created world of mine since I was 15. It cannot be abandoned, sometimes I tell myself that I cannot stop or the main antagonist will win. I often wonder if I truly talk about my writing or my life and well being when I get to thinking about it. As Ive said before, each character is more than ink or pixels; their life may not be one we hold sway and influence over, but their story caught my eye as it happened in my vast imagination. If I get published and paid one day, cool! But my ultimate goalbis to tell this story for them. They are the ripples from the rock that was hurled into my pond!

Thanks reading my brains exhaust!

Holiday ramblings

Its about 11pm on Christmas day, I'm in bed awake while the wife has been asleep for over an hour. Many things are crossing my head. Writing, science, the kids and last but never least, my education and short comings of said topic.

Most of you know that my first goal is a BS in Physics (particularly Astro). I hear alot of people try to cut that down because my current math levels arent great. The worst part of this is that I listen or let alot of what is said get to me. Any and all problems in the academic world are my fault entirely, but Ive been looking at my problems within academia as they exist currently. In doing so I discredit my self and give no room for growth otherwise.

As this blog is a home for my tidbits on my writings and feelings of, I feel that Im not being an honest writer if I give my stories and characters growth, but deny it for my self. I cant afford, my wife cant either, for me to cut my self short when a problem arises. I see when my main character, Jess, is faced with something larger than her self, I have to help her atleast become a part of it, if not rise above it.

Too many times have problems caused me to pause, step back, even give in and up. I think I'm truly the only person who knows that I have a truly cowardice side and it can often get the best of me. Its time to break it, or else admit defeat in all things and let my loved ones see me do something I cannot afford to: buckle under pressure because things are a little much.

Thats me for now, hoping to get some sleep.

Time of a precious sort

Been a bit since I've posted. Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving (or if youre in another country, had a great day/November.). I said that blurb because ive seen one person from Germany reading this, cool.

About a week ago, my wife started an overnight job working in a warehouse. Its been my job making sure the kids get to bed, bathed and are fed in the mornings, as she doesnt get home till around past 630am. Its effected both of our sleep, obviously for her she sleeps less through out the week, but Ive been trying to get her alot of quiet time where I can on her days off. For me, I've gotten used to having some one next to me and its been harder getting to sleep and staying that way, but I'm sure itll get easier.

On other notes, can anyone beleive its December already? Seems like the older I am the fast time goes by. Wasnt it just new years a month ago? Which is another good point in my writing. Chapter 14 is still killing me, im going to be scraping the ENTIRE idea/model I had for it and will be going with something a bit different, less comfortable, to help me get past it for now. In the end most of this is the framework that I will be adding to later.

The problem with the chapter is that it takes place directly, literally minutes, after a major turning point and its delicate. If I do this part wrong, it could make or break the book and I just cant have it broken. When the wifey goes to work tonight and the boy is in bed, I'm going to try to sit down and hammer it out. Put on some music, zone out a bit and let it flow, Drew Style.

Take it easy

Time of a precious sort

Been a bit since I've posted. Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving (or if youre in another country, had a great day/November.). I said that blurb because ive seen one person from Germany reading this, cool.

About a week ago, my wife started an overnight job working in a warehouse. Its been my job making sure the kids get to bed, bathed and are fed in the mornings, as she doesnt get home till around past 630am. Its effected both of our sleep, obviously for her she sleeps less through out the week, but Ive been trying to get her alot of quiet time where I can on her days off. For me, I've gotten used to having some one next to me and its been harder getting to sleep and staying that way, but I'm sure itll get easier.

On other notes, can anyone beleive its December already? Seems like the older I am the fast time goes by. Wasnt it just new years a month ago? Which is another good point in my writing. Chapter 14 is still killing me, im going to be scraping the ENTIRE idea/model I had for it and will be going with something a bit different, less comfortable, to help me get past it for now. In the end most of this is the framework that I will be adding to later.

The problem with the chapter is that it takes place directly, literally minutes, after a major turning point and its delicate. If I do this part wrong, it could make or break the book and I just cant have it broken. When the wifey goes to work tonight and the boy is in bed, I'm going to try to sit down and hammer it out. Put on some music, zone out a bit and let it flow, Drew Style.

Take it easy

Pushing Past the Silly.

It's amazing how something so innocent, even benign, can cause such a train of thought. Last night, as I was giving logan a bath, I was being goofy as I normally am while giving him a bath. Making funny noises usually relaxes him before i have to dump water on in his (he REALLY hates water on his face and ears), but last night I was told, "Daddy, you stop it!"

Now, this was said in a pretty joking tone and normally I would joke around with him and tease him. However, something entirely differnt went on in my head; I thought of all the times as I was growing up that I told my parents, even my Aunt, to stop with the "silly things". Obviously not ALL of the times, rather, but many of them. I began to think that, even thought I dont stop them from being silly, that the kids may find a want to push aside the lighter parts of being a child.

When I was writing a book (which is sitting in my closet, finished with the first draft), I noted a character that always stated "Times will be at their darkest when the laughter of children ceases." I guess all of these thoughts sort of collided and left me to respond to Logan with a, "sorry buddy." I left it at that.

Not really a cohesive point to this, sort of just a ramble with some thoughts.

thats it for today.