Praying The Gay Away

I see alot of books out theres, groups aswell, about "praying the gay away". I dont believe prayer does anything, if you do that's your thing, good for you. Through prayer you've asked for something that probably was going to happen anyway.

I will humor that for a brief moment through. Lets say prayer accomplished something, and it was a great means of getting things done. Why would you use it for something like praying people change? Theres a long list of things that you could really fix with prayer (still just a humor for me here), I'll name a couple;

Cancer
Disease
Obesity
Famine
War
Education
Depression (among other mental illness)
Rape
Murder
Poverty
Corruption
Greed
Child Abuse

The list may very well be endless, but those are a group that could stand out. By choosing hate you are saying "I would much rather get rid of this group of people than make the world a safer/better/cleaner place for everyone." If your train of thought ever revolves around "curing" or "praying away" gays, you are part of the larger problem and its time people humor me and pray you away.

"Back From The Edge"

"now and then I wonder where the faces
from my childhood have gone"

A couple of lines taken from the Bruce Dickinson song that I borrowed the title of for the name of this post. "Back From The Edge". No, not some suicide edge, or edge of terrible decision or even great decision, you know I dont work that way, or atleast I hope you do. Back from the edge of where one can comfortable sit beyond their personal borders before they lose little pieces of who they are. Before they can retain the portions of them selves that makes them....them.

The leading sentence mentioned wondering about the faces of childhood. I dont normally wonder about other faces of childhood. They went out of my life for purposes of their own, some forever, and some maybe ill see again. I'm more focused on my face during my childhood. Face bearing the title of what I was seen as, not just by others, but by my self. I'd like to title my self as certainly careless, a bit rough around the edges (if indeed edges existed in certain areas). I wonder if all this time I have been wandering to the edge of that which I am, and how long I have been doing so. What has changed that I could see if i took time to look at it, or ever worse, what changed that I cannot see because of the edge?

Is it safe to even call it an edge? Is there really a point were a person can stop being different and stop changing? I feel like that I'm done with that edge for now, and while somethings had to change and much to Peter Pan's ire, I have to stay grown up. However I think im ready to regain that person back that I was, not afraid of anything, determined to do what is needed to succeed instead of allowing my self to fall in as average.


"

A silent river flowing black
strange attractions no turning back
present danger I recall
that pins my senses to the wall
back from the edge where the darkness has fled
and I'm swimming
in light and I'm falling... falling from the edge...
back from the edge
I fell from grace and that's a fact
still have urges I fight back
cold decisions wear me thin
kill yourself begin again
back from the fear
that you're not worth a damn
throw yourself
into light and the rush as you
sign from the edge...
back from the edge...
now and then I wonder where the faces
from my childhood have gone
like father like son your bones it lives on glowing shadows
back from the edge"

Good Choices

Given that it's 415 am and im making this post, maybe the title isnt appropriate, haha! But it is something that fits the place I'm at, who I'm with.and how it came to be. In what started as a trip to Vegas for the wife and I, blossomed into a family vacation. Instead of staring down a strip filled with casinos and a drunken lot, I'm looking over and really appreciating the two sleeping babes who have the next two days filed with things they love.

If ever you doubt a course of action, just look to your family. I'm glad I can say Kat and I did, because we aren't alone and have 2 awesome people to share in the fun tomorrow; kats parents.

Good morning everyone, for mine will be!

Where Life goes

No, even though the title can be followed by depressive tendancies alot, what I have to say is good for me. As I am bringing the first book of my trilogy to a close I am bringing a small side project to life, one that I've been toying with in my head. So far I can say its modern sci-fi with touches of conspiracy, politics and suppressed underground wars. It is being called "Code: Mimic". I will probably keep it very short as a 32k word project, more to develop a character I've had in mind.

A Picture Painted Black and White

"...everyone else in our culturally pluralistic land should hold exactly your own outlook, on all issues..."

That is a line taken from a quote from Dr. Neil Degrasse Tyson. To keep the context of it, its about politics and how the majority of people vote for those only when they agree 100% with them. From the title of my post you may expect something about race or ethical choices; it is not. This post is something that I've given great thought to since I was young and observered people (my self included) saying stupid things in the name of politics, race, sex and sexual orientation. The black and white line for this is where our thresh-hold for that high-and-mighty word "Tolerance" fits into.

    To give a small amount of history, I grew up with a VERY politically minded father who swung Right 99% of the time. He brought politics into EVERYTHING. If I so much as mentioned an actor that may have been a left leaner, I would have to hear about how their "politics are going to ruin this country." He also would be a good friend to some one, until he learned there was one thing (perhaps not politics) about them he didnt like and would distance him self from it. This isnt meant to insult my father, he was a VERY intelligent man, but often would have the social aptitude of an angered baboon. He is the representation of my focus for this post. He would pick one point of something he hated or didnt agree with and run wth it as an excuse to make sure he did not have to be a part of something. No attempt given to fix, talk or otherwise engage in the problem was EVER visited.

   Most of our social and political issue mirror that behavior today. A person could be a great, humble and down to earth person, but people will find one difference about them to hate. Society will pick and pick until the person is ultimately cast in a terrible spotlight and is the focal point and poster child for the problem at hand. A great example would be Atheism, and taking a person who has terrible social tendancies to insult and do harm to what is different and claiming ALL are like that. I would expect anyone reading this to know better than that. I am an Atheist and I dont feel the need to harm or belittle what I dont care for, I leave it to its own business.

   What is so wrong, so vile, about feeling a different way that some one must be ridiculed? I cant deny is was the same way, I think most of us can be at times. Could it be we are afraid? Do we have this underlying hate for something because it reminds us of our past? A person? Or do we have such fear and deep paranoia that we wont get our way around the person, so we act like little children?

Yes, this was built on ramblings with a foundations of a few thoughts thrown in.
Thats it for me.

Give it a purpose!

This post will be a bit off center from normal, more personal and fun with a side of my opinion.

Recently we have decided to take a family trip (coming Feb 21) to Disneyland for a couple of days. I could not be more excited for the kids and me and the wife. Im really giddy thinking about it all and how much fun we will have. If you would have asked me six years ago if I would end up taking the family to Disneyland I may have looked at you crazy and told you "I dont have a family and dont want to start one". For me, my life's purpose was to delay responsibility (hardcore responsibility) for as long as possible.

Today I look back at that word, purpose, and how it relates to life. People search holy books, listen to those wiser than they (or so they think) and go to endless stretches to find a purpose to their life. Be it a higher power, a path of understanding, love or even evil (sadly) sometimes. People need to realise that there are purposes to life, but they arent given to us, we create them with our desires and actions.

Through my actions and developments through life, evolving thoughts and comparative reactions. I have come to see my purpose is to live life with joy, try to give some (atleast) small measure of joy to others and love my family. I have given my self this purpose, so that one day I hope the kids can see some purpose for them selves and give them selves a good life with my help. My purpose is to love my wife as she is my partner through the crazy journey. Over all, and I fully understand what a mentor tried to teach me so long ago, is to just "be". For me, that is acceptable, and its enough.

I'll end with a profound thought that I am borrwing from a song called "Design Your Universe" by Epica.

"So many people are full of hate
While love and light are in their reach
So many people will harm themselves
But life can be so beautiful

So many people will idolize
While their own success is in their reach
Don't forget you're able to
Design your own universe"

The Pagemaster

Not too long ago, the wife and I were talking about a movie that I loved as a kid, "The Pagemaster". It invovled a boys adventure through this "book world" where stories and books them selves came to life. He was accompanied by 3 books, Adventure, Fantasy and horror. For me it was and still is a bit of a treasure. Lucky enough for me (and the kids) Zia just happened to have a copy.

I like to think of what the pagemaster could be for an adult. Yes, there is the movie "Inkheart" (based off of the book, I've yet to read). Where a man has the ability to bring things to life from the books he read (I really reccomend you watch it). However more specifically, what if an adult (who reads regularly) was brought into that world. Who and what would accompany him/her. For me, adventure wouldnt be some pirate, it would probably be a lone mystic traveller. Fantasy would appear to be a normal old fashioned warrior, the way he spoke would give it away that he was from a world a far cry different than ours. And horror? I dont think it would be stereotypical gash and bash for me. I take horror as some one who can get inside of you, work you like theres not a chance you can fight back. A normal enough looking person with a mind of destruction and a smile of serenity.

Think about your world of books, and what may accompany you without using specific characters. Feel free to post it here, or post it on my facebook page where I will have this posted. Its time to imagine a bit.

Thats me for now!

To continue

We all deal with loss and gain in certain ways. I think we take for granted the people who can learn to balance their emotional response to help others who cannot. In my book, there is a lot of emotional strain involved, pushing people to limits that average folks may not experience. I TRY (within obvious points fail) to keep experiences into something I can relate to in my books so I may better write certain points.

A chapter I'm working on now involves a person who can balance loss and gain, a person who can stand as a rock when the winds and tides push against everyone. I wont reveal names, mostly in the hopes that if I get published I can look back here and given deeper analysis of certain characters. Its challenging because there are times that I don't balance things like loss and gain well. I can find my self overly emotional or bluntly not. It isn't that I don't have emotion or nothing but for these circumstances, it's that I'm human and feel more or less for certain things.

With this man, I also have to give other sides, people who are grieving and those who feel empty and indifferent. I find human nature to be tricky when giving a range of emotions because its plain to see that a play on words such as "human nature" is very deceiving. We treat nature as a constant from one thing to the next, when the only thing i can find within nature is that there are seldom constants.

Those are my thoughts for now.

Annnnnd....

Finally I have finished chapter 14. It wasnt some massive and explosive ending to my troubles, nothing like fireworks and mass chearing. No, there wasnt even a cliche "applaud" sign lighting up anywhere. Better than all of that, I was given a sort of peaceful fealing. Content that it isnt over but was made to bridge it self to the next chapter. I dont like saying a chapter or book has ended, I like saying its conclusion is some where within the part of its characters. With a little imagination there are few works of fiction that really do end. However this post is about to end with a point. Given a breath of pause and a word from a friend, sometimes things can be changed entirely! I will just call the friend C, he knows who he is, and his advice was one that i decided to take (albiet modified). Take it easy!